Tuesday, September 29, 2009

One bite at a time

Well, here we go! I say that as though it were a new beginning, when in all actuality this is the same blog I've had for, what, a year now? I suppose it is a new beginning, however, because my attitude has changed. There is purpose now where before I simply felt I was to catalog my days. I do need to give credit where credit is due to my friend Lauren, who I have lost touch with for the most part since highschool. I was up rocking Jacob starting around 3 this morning (I am not a proponant of the "cry-it-out" method) and wandered to her blogs. I lost myself! I had no idea how much we had in common these days...

I was inspired and "spurred on" as the scriptures tell us to do to for our brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it except to say it made me spend the next few hours (hey, I was up anyway...) seeking God for guidance toward the purposes He has in my life. I mean, I love God, and I try to live for God, but sometimes I feel so scattered in how to live for Him. There are so many things I feel passionate about, on varying levels, and yet I feel as though I fail miserably at nearly all of them. What I really felt like the Lord was speaking to me this morning was that I was waiting to get everything 'just so' before I really used anything. I'm a perfectionist in many areas of my life and sometimes that's a good thing. However, life, and living for God for that matter, is not a static location. It is a direction, perspective, and ever-refining way of living.

So, with that said, I will no longer wait until I have 'completed my research', become well-versed in a subject, or mastered an art before using it to God's glory. The actual posting of this blog is a step in that direction because I love editing yet feel there is much I have to learn. So therefore I fear posting anything I've written because I know many out there have more English skills than me (ahem, Ashley...) and will wonder what in the world I'm doing thinking I can edit. I will let go, missed mistakes and all. No one is perfect, and I might as well share what I've learned when I just plain miss God. I hope you enjoy this because it just might be humiliating for me, but I can't remember the last time I felt so excited to run and fall flat on my face. Because, quite frankly, at least I'm running. Toward Him. And I know He's thrilled to see me coming.


grace said...

Lee that is beautiful! I'm thrilled to see what God is doing for you and I can't wait to hear more! :)
Love you!

Lauren said...

I'm so glad you're back. :)