To Please the ONE

Why do we try so hard to please everyone? I suppose everyone's not like that, I mean, my husband isn't. He can shake off judgement with seemingly little effort when he's confident he's doing what he feels is best. But me, no. Sadly, I am not that confident. I do care. I want to somehow right it, I question myself, think over what was said. Perhaps I'm wrong? Maybe I'm the one who just doesn't get it? How can they think that of me? Do they not know me at all? Did I do something? I'm not even sure what I did...all incessant questions and analyzing to discover the root...so I can fix it. 
I know that I am often wrong, but I know I'm not too. And that's where self-preservation kicks in. I am not wrong, they are wrong! That is not how that should have been handled! How dare they be so judgemental! Who are we to judge? God is set as judge, not us. Then, of course, am I not judging? We each do as we see fit, some with more arrogance than others. I do not feel jilted any less that one willing retaliate - I just keep those thoughts in my head out of courtesy. But, they're there all the same are they not? Am I not judging for judgment? Oh, the irony. Resenting those who are (sometimes) fellow believers for sinning.
And I know, I truly do know, that pleasing Him, the One whose opinion of me matters not most, but only, is what I should really care about. Not to recklessly live without concern for hurt, but to love without bounds. To see past the attack and wounds of this world that might cause me to lose focus, recede, and not be transparent for fear. One of my favorite quotes is from Mother Teresa, "When you love until there's no more hurt, there can be no more hurt, only love." God's love just doesn't make sense in our worldly terms. The world tells us to defend our rights (of which we have none in the Kingdom) and the love of God lays down all those rights. And yet, if we stopped fighting to defend ourselves (whether outwardly or by retreating inward), we would find ourselves more at peace with others than we have ever known.

Supermom (Cape not included)

Occasionally someone will comment on how well I do everything, or how I seem to be successful at all I do. This is of course makes me blush, laugh hard and also cringe a little too. I certainly try to do all that God desires of me, and I hope this is seen by others to bring glory to Him. However, I hope I never cause discouragement in others because they think I am perfect or have arrived. By no means! There is much I would love to do or that I would like to do better. If I portray perfection, I am not being transparent enough.

It seems everywhere I am turning lately, I hear (read) of another awesome mom who realizes anew that she just can't do it all. And people, these are what I consider great moms! Great women, God-fearing women at that. So it has had me pondering (and praying) quite a bit recently. What is it we're supposed to be doing? What makes us successful? How can I possibly come close to a Proverbs 31 woman? While I certainly don't claim to have it all figured out (please insert a big belly-laugh here) I do want to share some things I believe God's showing me.

We can't do it all. That's a big one, because, let's face it, we try. Really, really hard. And then we're stuck looking at all we have managed to not do. There's a reason Solomon asks in Proverbs 31, who can find this virtuous woman? He proceeds to list off all that counts towards this perfect woman. Well, she doesn't exist. Before the fall, before we began living in a fallen world, God did have a perfect family plan. But that's not the world we live in and the truth is we all have fallen short. No matter what we do to make it all happen, it just won't.

Don't worry, I'm not being Debbie-Downer here, because once again, God has provided a way out. (Phew!) One of my favorite passages is in Romans 12 (MSG) and has continued to edify me in many, many circumstances.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

I love how simple the grace of God is! I like to complicate things and get overwhelmed with figuring out every little detail so I do (or think) something perfectly. God may be mysterious and more than we can comprehend, but one thing is for sure: He wants how much He loves us to be very clear.

This passage helps narrow my focus. (Sometimes it's good to be narrow-minded.) When I get bogged down with an endless to-do list or all that I am falling short in accomplishing, I remember to narrow my focus to pinpoint exactly what I'm to do next. I re-submit my life (walking, talking, breathing) to God and remember what is most important. He measures my success by how much I love Him and am submitted to Him. He doesn't judge me on how pretty my home is (although He gives us creative spirits) or how clean my kitchen is or how well-folded the laundry is (if it's folded at all). I believe that the Creator of the Universe has within His power to allow us the creativity to get done all that is most important when our lives are laid down before Him.

And what is most important? While I believe the details vary from person to person, it's not what we're generally hearing from the world. We are to be different! Now, I know I'm going out on a limb here, but we are not 'less-than' for not having a career, my fellow stay-at-home-moms. Giving our entire lives over for the raising and nurturing of our children to be strong, confident, secure and morally-rooted adults is an amazing task. And if you work, hear my heart, I'm not judging you. It is between you and God how you best submit and live out your life before Him. My point is, when we take the time for the most important (loving God, loving our families, and loving others) things in our lives, that is when we feel successful. That's when we can lift our eyes to God and feel approval. Sure it's nice to have a clean, picked up home. (Believe me, I love it on the rare occasion every room is such....at least I think I would.) But sitting with my little boys and playing with them because one just has to be in my lap and have mommy-time makes my heart feel full.

I hope God does give me the grace to get many things done. I pray I have the creativity of time to can, clean, launder, cook and most of all, love as much as I desire. But I also focus that in my future I will never sacrifice what has eternal value so that you see a tidy living room. I will strive everyday towards being all that He has for me, but I pray that my occasional disarray will represent right priorities to you and also that we are all in progress as He perfects us through His grace.

Now, to be transparent, and hopefully encouraging, here is a tour of my home at this moment. No holding back, or picking up, I promise! Welcome to my work in progress...

The Squawking of Chicken Little

Before I dive into a post such as this, I would like to say two things. One, whenever I share a truth, it is something I am walking through and the Lord is illuminating to me new, or at least in new light. I don't just research a topic to have a teaching to post. I speak to myself as much as I am sharing with you. Second, I loathe being misunderstood. Perhaps it's the people-pleaser in me, but for whatever reason, I desire greatly to have my heart heard in the best way possible. That being said, I also strive to speak the truth plainly, not watered-down, and with love.

We all struggle with fear throughout our lives, perhaps with varying degrees of difficulty or weak areas, but it can root there, nonetheless. We live in an imperfect, fallen world, and with that comes all realms of horror. (And yet, we can't help but watch as it's presented to us entertainment by the media. Hmm.) There are fears every woman knows, and then there are the fears that can only be truly understood once you have children. Suddenly other fears seem manageable in that new light. Perhaps it's fear that we won't have enough (food, shelter, clothes, money) or fear of being alone and rejected. The list can go on and on. My point is, insert your fears -here-.

While our imaginations can come up with enough fears on its own, the world, media, friends and family can easily pile on more thoughts. Watching only a few moments of news is enough to make you think it's time to fall to our knees, beg and fast for our country. Everyday there is a crisis to be averted, a new law to fight, a terror to flee. It can seem as the whole world is 'going to hell in a hand-basket'. Well, perhaps it is. After all, did not Christ himself promise in John 16, "I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." We will have trouble! We will have difficulties! But is not the Bible full of those wonderful 'if-then' statements. We will have pain, but He has given us peace and has conquered the world.

God is mysterious, there is no doubt. His ways are beyond our comprehension. He tries His best to tell us, but there are some things we just don't understand. He promises us peace and protection, and yet bad things happen to good people. We've heard 'the prosperity gospel' and 'name it, claim it'. But what happens when we believe He's going to give to us, and nothing happens, or we 'claim it' but are not healed? Our faith weakens. Paul, of whom we have no doubt loved the Lord with all his heart and learned to trust Him and find abounding peace, yet he was imprisoned and beaten until nearly dead...multiple times. He was hungry and alone and abandoned, but that only pushed him nearer to God. We can allow hard times and the fear of living in this world to consume us, or we can choose to push on.

How do we live this out? Walking in faith isn't plastering a smile on your face and pretending everything's fine. Authentic faith is knowing when there is no healing, no provision, and even death, that God is still worthy of worship. Paul said in Philippians 4, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Pray, he says, take your worries to God. God isn't surprised that you're afraid something horrible will befall you and those you love. You aren't admitting something He doesn't already know you think! Cry out to Him and lay down your anxieties.

Second, get in your Word and quiet the voice of the enemy. Psalm 1 says, "BLESSED (HAPPY, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather. But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity]." Make the Word of God louder in your life than the word of fear. Don't allow the voices that tell of every horrible thing wrong to rob you of your peace in Him. Don't listen to their counsel; delight in the law of the Lord.

 I'm not suggesting we pretend nothing is wrong in the world and to shut ourselves off from knowledge of what's around us. Christ prayed an amazing prayer in John 17 for us, asking God not to take us out of the world, but to protect us from the evil one. So third, be alert. For the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion, waiting for someone to devour. Do what we can with the intelligence God has given us to protect ourselves. Lock our doors. Be aware of what's around us when we're at the store or in a parking lot. Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit prompting you to do, or not do something. If you sense you perhaps shouldn't park there, don't. It's better to never know if you were right. Those are specific ways in which I protect myself from my fears, so seek God for direction for you personally. We should be open to God giving us direction for things within our earthly control. If He tells you to do something, be obedient. However, we aren't always supposed to do something about every fear or worry. Not all of us are called to fight a new 'law' that threatens our freedoms. Sometimes we're just supposed to trust God for His protection for us and our families. We already know things will get much, much worse before the return of Christ.

In dealing with fear in our lives, we first have to recognize it, and then lay it before God in petition, and, most importantly, leave it there.  Beyond that, we must trust that He loves us, and those we love, more than we can ever imagine. It is this love that changes us. 1 John 4 says, "Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." If we make living out the love of God our main focus, that drives away fear.

We are called to be different, to be a light, and a hope. If we don't live differently, what is there to notice? Let us silence the voices of fear in our lives, press on towards that which He has called us, and trust that He works all things out for good in our lives.

Strech marks on our souls

*Edit: 12/21/2009 - Although the link I used below is also a wonderful blog and similar in subject, it was not the one I intended to use. This is. Hope you enjoy.

Even though I am often inspired by other blogs, I try not to get link-happy as I share how great I thought they were. However, this one over at Holy Experience really struck a chord with me (possibly because my stomache is replete with stretch marks.) It brought me to tears as I realized how much those marks could mean on our soul. Pretty to the world? Not really. But what do they represent? Sacrifice, maybe numerous times. And while our bodies will never again be the same, I know the gift far outweighs any disfigurement.

May our souls also be replete with stretch marks as God births His miracles through our lives, laid down as living sacrifices for Him.

The Truth: Love One Another

My friend over at Thread by Thread posted a blog yesterday entitled "Liar, liar, pants on fire" and it really got me thinking. It brought to light so many lies I didn't refute in my own life. I thought hard on this and sought the Lord for what lies I allowed to fester in my heart. This is a reflection of my answer to such a poignant question. (You don't have to read her blog first, but it would probably help, because I'm not going to rephrase everything since she said it so well.)

I was reading the other day in Psalms and noticed once again a reference to how Satan works. (For another insight into the mind games he plays read The Screwtape Letters that she talks about on her blog too.) He imitates God. Christ is referred to as the Lion. Satan prowls around like a roaring lion. For those who do not have a strong walk with the Lord, simple distractions work. If we do have a strong walk, he has to be more subtle because blatant sins will not work for us. He will often imitate the things of God to guide us off-course. Just because something looks good, doesn't mean it is. Can blogging be a good thing? Absolutely. I am spurred on daily by the select blogs I read. However, there is an infinite number of blogs I would love to read that may indeed edify me, but that would distract me from my main goal and focus every day: motherhood. If I spend all my time reading wonderful blogs, my children are missing out on relationship with me. Therefore, I limit my bloggy activities to 10. If I want to add another, I prayerfully consider which to remove because 10 are about all I can reasonably read. (It helps that most of those are not daily postings!)

In my humble opinion, I believe Satan's favorite lie is "You're the only one." How many times have we kept a struggle to ourselves simply because we felt alone in our battle? Countless. Instead, we hide it away and either pretend it's not there or that we can handle it without help. I know there are many occasions that God simply has to work something in us, but I strongly believe He intends for us to strengthen and lift one another up in the body of Christ. We are all too often direlict in our duties to one another.

I have yet to hear a woman say she has never dealt with hurt and betrayal from other women. I also have yet to hear a woman say she has never inflicted the hurt and betrayal. How many painful memories have you buried? I am not saying this simply to dredge up the past, but to help us recognize the gift he has given us in our female relationships. All throughout biblical history, Satan has attacked with force things of great promise. When Moses was born, many of his generation were murdered in an attempt to thwart God's plan. The same thing happened again in the year of Christ's birth. (I often wonder what is to come of these 30+ years of missed birthings since Roe v. Wade.) The widespread hurt and pain among women has led me to believe there is something of great promise to be had.

I desire so much to bring the healing, love and acceptance of Christ to others. Sometimes loving that much opens you up to hurt yourself, but did not Christ do that very thing? Did He not love in the same self-sacrificing way? Who am I then, to withhold my love because I have just been hurt too much? It's easy to retreat into a self-protective bubble, but I think that's one more lie. It's a lie that it's okay to withhold the love and healing of God from others because we too, may become hurt. It's a lie that it makes no difference to anyone. It's a lie that people don't notice or care. We may not always receive the reaction our flesh hopes for, but does not Christ feel that pain every day when we reject His perfect love? Who are we to withhold? It may feel wonderfully rewarding when someone appreciates and reciprocates our love and unconditional friendship, and I believe that's what God hopes for. But that is not the condition of our outpouring of love. Mother Teresa says, "If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love." Christ calls us to love one another as He loves us. What a high standard! Every loving thing we do matters, even if we don't see results. It is so easy to notice and remember the negative, therefore we should pour out without bounds the love and encouragement of Christ. One of my favorite quotes regarding ministry (and isn't that what love is?):

“Ministry is giving when you feel like keeping,

praying for others when you need to be prayed for,

feeding others when your own soul is hungry,

living truth before people even when you can’t see results,

hurting with other people even when your own hurt can’t be spoken,

keeping your word even when it is not convenient,

it is being faithful when your flesh wants to run away.”

John A. Holt

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.
Mother Teresa

I hope you are as encouraged by I in this seeking of truth for our souls, to quiet the lies of the enemy in our life and listen more intently to the command of Christ: to love, without bounds or consideration of self.

Happy birthday, boys!

A whole year has come and gone; the boys are one year old. People told me time really flies, and to be truthful, I believed them. I just didn't realize how it would feel! Often over the last year I would catch myself impatiently waiting for the next 'season' in their maturity. The older they get, the more independent they are, the longer they sleep, the less they would cry. I tried to remind myself to try to enjoy their dependency, and the tiny-ness of their clothes and their lack of choice in being cuddled. The other day my friend came by, and she has a 1-month old little boy. He was so tiny! And yet, I couldn't help but think how tiny they were the night they were born, for he was easily twice their newborn size. Weighing in at 5 1/2 and 4 1/2 pounds, nearly 2 months early, they felt like cuddling air. I was so afraid to hurt them because they seemed so delicate. You can see how big the preemie clothes were on them. This was when they were close to a month old too, because they didn't come home for 2 (Caleb) and 3 (Jacob) weeks.

As they play rough with one another in their playard, those days seem very far away. They eat well, they crawl and climb, and it won't be long before they're walking. It's so easy to miss all the subtle changes and the daily blessings of their baby giggles. When we're up in the middle of the night rocking one, or they're devastated that I left the room, I pray I remember how short these days are, and remember to stop, and not get caught up in 'keeping up the house'. It's so easy to have a 'Martha' heart and be so busy trying to get everything 'important' done. Maybe it's because that's easier for people to see. We imagine success as having a kept-up house that smells and looks wonderful. Anything other than that might make us appear as though we've failed. But who can tell the hours spent reading and playing with our children? After all, that is what has the eternal significance. That's what Mary knew. While there is certainly a time for the work, and we don't want to be lazy, finding that balance is important to me. (Because, after all, I have Martha inclinations.) I don't want to have a pristine house only to look at my children in 5, 10 or 20 years and realized I missed the investment of time that really mattered in shaping who they become.

But, I digress. Saturday was their first birthday and we had a family party. They were wonderful! They happily ate their caterpillar cakes...

I made 3, because we have so much family...they were a lot of fun to decorate. I got the cake pan for a great deal at the Williams Sonoma outlet. (Gotta love that place...) The boys also happily sat at their new wooden table set from Gamma and Papa. I was totally impressed! I expected them to just crawl all over it, but they sat in the chairs the whole time we opened presents. Who knew they had it in them?

On to their second year...and all that God has in store for our little family!

From Where I Received a Creative Heart

This is something that burns deep within me and is very personal to my being. Creativity. This is not to be boxed up in the Michael's-Hobby Lobby-Joann's sense, although I can certainly lose myself for hours in those havens. I mean in the everyday, living, breathing, 'somehow I've got to make it through this day and get what I need done' way. Oh, and I'd really like some time with you, Lord.

The closer you get to the Creator, the more creative you become. I honestly have no idea when this concept came to me, if I heard it somewhere, or if God quietly spoke it to me until I finally heard and understood him. God, the Creator has made some amazing things. Most of which we have yet to understand, even when we think we do. Anyone with children will testify to experiencing this when they know something is best and the child can't fathom why on earth you might prohibit that. A helpful reminder of how we must look to God sometimes: arms crossed, pouting with our lip stuck out, hurt tears running down our chubby cheeks. We'll understand one day. Some things maybe even on this side of heaven.

I have so many things I want to do, need to do, and sometimes just can't get all the worms in the can. I try and try to do it in my own flesh, limited by my humanity. I forget that I was made in His image. His image. The Creator of everything mirrored Himself in me. I posess His creativity and that doesn't just mean 'crafts'. Creativity is a way of seeing the world, and seeing problems, seeing relationships, seeing our purpose. We have the ability to 'see beyond' the natural in how we live our lives and to do really amazing things. If I think God is calling me to do something and I think I can handle it, maybe it's not from Him. His track record is doing big things from unexpected places. Why? Because then He gets the glory - not me. Can I be creative enough to do all the things He's called me to do? Not in my own strength and imagination. Can He sustain me and give me ideas and solutions? Absolutely.

I love the Message bible. I don't memorize scripture from it because it translates a general idea rather than directly, but I enjoy reading the way it phrases things sometimes.

This is Romans 12:1-3: "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

This is so good. I don't want to be limited in my thinking. I want to see things the way He does - big picture. I don't want to be forced into how the world says things should be done, I want to do them the best way - the way He intended. The way He's telling me. Whether it's how I'm a mom, or how I'm a wife, a best friend, a sister, daughter or fellow shopper at the grocery store. My worth and abilities are not limited by what I think I can handle. They're only limited by how much I'm willing to listen to His creative heart.

Proverbs 31 - Selling my wares

The one thing about art that always holds true is that it's subjective. I come from a creative family and have spent many years finding new projects. Even if they end up finding a home cleverly organized with their counterparts I don't have time for, I always want a new one. It's kind of like wandering into a bookstore. It's irrelevant that I have 17 books and 32 magazines waiting to be read, the smell of fresh, new books never loses it's allure.

I have found many wonderful creative outlets over the years, some that I was enthralled with for a season, others that repeatedly find their way to the top of my 'want to do list'. I fell in love with scrapbooking about 11 years ago and that has proven very rewarding. My maternal grandmother taught me crotchet, punch rugging and freehand embroidery, which took me a few years to really get the hang of. If only my carpel tunnel would let me crochet more. I tried my hand at knitting, which I found rather annoying. Beadwork of all kinds has wound it's way through my past, starting with indian beadwork, then miscellaneous jewlery and most recently bookmarks. I'm a sucker for bead sales like they're new books... I have the beginnings of quilting, yet haven't really finished one of those projects. My mom taught me to sew years ago, a trade which I became comfortable with only in my adult years. (If I really am an adult.) Of course random crafts fill half my drawers and bins to keep my big, consistent projects company.

My one conundrum over the years has been that I couldn't make money with my creativity. I tried a craft mall, ebay and the mart with little success. I have pretty much resigned myself to enjoy them for the value they have to me, and those that I choose to give them as gifts to. But then I found out about Etsy.com. I am super excited! A site just for the peddling of handmade goods? Fantastic! Everyone who wanders there for purchases is expecting unique, quality handmade items. Perhaps I have found my outlet. I'll keep you updated when my page is ready...

One bite at a time

Well, here we go! I say that as though it were a new beginning, when in all actuality this is the same blog I've had for, what, a year now? I suppose it is a new beginning, however, because my attitude has changed. There is purpose now where before I simply felt I was to catalog my days. I do need to give credit where credit is due to my friend Lauren, who I have lost touch with for the most part since highschool. I was up rocking Jacob starting around 3 this morning (I am not a proponant of the "cry-it-out" method) and wandered to her blogs. I lost myself! I had no idea how much we had in common these days...

I was inspired and "spurred on" as the scriptures tell us to do to for our brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it except to say it made me spend the next few hours (hey, I was up anyway...) seeking God for guidance toward the purposes He has in my life. I mean, I love God, and I try to live for God, but sometimes I feel so scattered in how to live for Him. There are so many things I feel passionate about, on varying levels, and yet I feel as though I fail miserably at nearly all of them. What I really felt like the Lord was speaking to me this morning was that I was waiting to get everything 'just so' before I really used anything. I'm a perfectionist in many areas of my life and sometimes that's a good thing. However, life, and living for God for that matter, is not a static location. It is a direction, perspective, and ever-refining way of living.


So, with that said, I will no longer wait until I have 'completed my research', become well-versed in a subject, or mastered an art before using it to God's glory. The actual posting of this blog is a step in that direction because I love editing yet feel there is much I have to learn. So therefore I fear posting anything I've written because I know many out there have more English skills than me (ahem, Ashley...) and will wonder what in the world I'm doing thinking I can edit. I will let go, missed mistakes and all. No one is perfect, and I might as well share what I've learned when I just plain miss God. I hope you enjoy this because it just might be humiliating for me, but I can't remember the last time I felt so excited to run and fall flat on my face. Because, quite frankly, at least I'm running. Toward Him. And I know He's thrilled to see me coming.

In this world you will have trouble...

...but take heart! For I have overcome the world. John 16:33

This was my first memory verse and I remember not really understanding it at the time. Over the years however, it has illuminated itself to me in many ways. As we have been going through this adventure of finding a house, a journey in which we knew surprisingly little about, God has opened doors, closed doors, put helpful people in our path, and provided in ways we never would have dreamed.

We found out this morning our closing date is next Friday, and Isaac and I both agreed last night we feel a very real peace about this house. From day one of our search, we prayed that God would put up obstacles if we tried to choose the wrong home, or make something work of our own accord that really wasn't in our best interest. The first time we went house hunting, we found a house we loved and both felt very good about. Then, the selling agent basically laughed at our offers, so we decided that must not be the house. A couple weeks later though, another selling agent from that same company called to see if we were still interested! Apparently there had been only one other offer since it had been on the market, and they were actually very interested in our offer!

So began the journey of a thousand phone calls and hurdles. Every time we ran into a road block however, God somehow came through and provided and I can't help but see his hand on it. Don't get me wrong, there were many times I was discouraged and wondered if this was the house for us at all. But, I am trying to see all the things that have come through that certainly don't make sense in the natural.

1. We had no money for a down payment. Our broker told us about the Nehemiah Down Payment Program (that will be discontinued October 1st) that basically requires the seller pay the down payment. Woohoo!
2. We still had no money for closing costs that were totaling close to $4000. The seller has agreed to pay those too. So because of that, we get our earnest money & appraisal fee back at closing. ($650) Woohoo again!
3. Isaac and I made a list of everything we wanted in a house and prayed over it before we even began looking. The only thing on that list that this house doesn't have is hardwood floors. (And that was on our "it would be nice" section of the list)
4. The termite inspection revealed we'd need a $650 treatment...and the sellers agreed to pay it because they didn't want that to be a deterrent.
5. The appraisal came back at $101,000, and we're buying it for $95,000. (Plus they're paying for so much!) The house sold for $118,000 four years ago, so we're hoping with some love and care and the economy getting better our equity will keep going up!
6. The appraisal also came back with a flag requiring flood insurance because of a creek way below at the back of the property (I don't even think the creek itself is on our property). Bottom line? Minimum coverage would be $2100...a year...and due at closing. This right here was a deal breaker, because if we couldn't get out of this, we couldn't buy the house! An extra $200 a month for coverage we don't need? I don't think so... The sellers are taking care of getting a permanent zoning change so it will no longer be required at all, and if it's not cleared by closing, they will pay the premium up front and be reimbursed by the insurance agency when it does clear.

This last one in particular was very difficult for me because all I saw was a problem I couldn't solve no matter how creative I was. I was very discouraged. But God has a way of giving us peace when it really doesn't make sense, hence my earlier scripture reference. One more instance in my life where I am reminded of the validity of this verse. Christ himself promises us we will have trouble in this world. It's easy to think Christianity means a walk in the park and no more trouble, but it's quite the opposite. Christ promises we will have problems. But we have hope, and that is He has overcome the world. No problem is greater than God, and our God is a provider. It's easy to pray and wish to see miracles, amazing things and to experience great faith. But faith only exists when we have to believe when it's hard. Miracles only happen when there's a big problem. Amazing things are only amazing because they don't make sense. You can't see the dead rise without the dead or the sick healed without the illness. It doesn't require faith to believe in what makes sense. That's not faith, that's fact.
Another thing that occurred to me was this house situation is so minor. An anthill perspective if you will. It's big to us, but it's not cancer, the loss of a child or parent or friend, it's not losing a job, or having no food, clothes or car. And yet, I can't help but feel so loved by God that He would take interest in the tiny details of my life that are of no eternal value, just because He can. It doesn't have to be something big for him to care.
Matthew 6:26,27 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
We still have one more week until closing, and then next Saturday we go to the apartment complex to give them our 60 days notice and find out how much they are really going to require of us. According to our lease, it comes out to about $2700. Well, either God will reduce that amount somehow, or we'll have that money become available! Either way, we will trust, because all things (both good and bad) work together for good, and I believe He wants good for us.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.