Why do we try so hard to please everyone? I suppose everyone's not like that, I mean, my husband isn't. He can shake off judgement with seemingly little effort when he's confident he's doing what he feels is best. But me, no. Sadly, I am not that confident. I do care. I want to somehow right it, I question myself, think over what was said. Perhaps I'm wrong? Maybe I'm the one who just doesn't get it? How can they think that of me? Do they not know me at all? Did I do something? I'm not even sure what I did...all incessant questions and analyzing to discover the root...so I can fix it.
I know that I am often wrong, but I know I'm not too. And that's where self-preservation kicks in. I am not wrong, they are wrong! That is not how that should have been handled! How dare they be so judgemental! Who are we to judge? God is set as judge, not us. Then, of course, am I not judging? We each do as we see fit, some with more arrogance than others. I do not feel jilted any less that one willing retaliate - I just keep those thoughts in my head out of courtesy. But, they're there all the same are they not? Am I not judging for judgment? Oh, the irony. Resenting those who are (sometimes) fellow believers for sinning.
And I know, I truly do know, that pleasing Him, the One whose opinion of me matters not most, but only, is what I should really care about. Not to recklessly live without concern for hurt, but to love without bounds. To see past the attack and wounds of this world that might cause me to lose focus, recede, and not be transparent for fear. One of my favorite quotes is from Mother Teresa, "When you love until there's no more hurt, there can be no more hurt, only love." God's love just doesn't make sense in our worldly terms. The world tells us to defend our rights (of which we have none in the Kingdom) and the love of God lays down all those rights. And yet, if we stopped fighting to defend ourselves (whether outwardly or by retreating inward), we would find ourselves more at peace with others than we have ever known.